If you’ve ever spent time on our Facebook page, you know we have some of the livest, most entertaining Facebook friends this side of the digital divide. So we knew if we wanted to get some juicy and authentic stories, they’d be the best people to ask. See what our Facebook friends had to say when we asked them to finish this sentence: “I knew he wasn’t into me when…”

…he was more interested in knowing how one of my female friends were doing…Example: How is so and so? When was the last time you talked to her? or Tell her to message or call me…smh. Man you trippin…

“I knew he wasn’t into me when…”

…I realized I was doing all the communicating. If a guy is into you, he’ll make an effort to talk to you. Even if it is about nothing! Lol

…over a year ago we both admitted to having feelings for each other….wait for it, BUT STILL HAVEN’T WENT ON A DATE!!!! Like seriously, I mean we’ve hung out and gone to the movies and what not. But he has yet to actually ask or take me out on a date…ugh, it’s annoying. We have everything in common, besides the age difference. I’m 21 and he is 27, but what difference does that make when we’re clearly so compatible. But I am too young and eligible to wait on this slow man, who clearly isn’t really all that into me…boggles my mind, grinds my gears, and pushes my buttons when he calls me by the nickname he gave me and only he calls me, but can’t muster up a simple “Hey CC, can I take you out?”

…he spent the night two nights in a row and didn’t touch me. When he said he would come see me 3 different times, but didn’t and ALWAYS had an excuse as to why he didn’t show up “I guess I’m just busier than I realize.”

…he started hitting on a co-worker because I wouldn’t put out. Or how about one Sunday morning he invited me to breakfast and I said I’m getting ready for church wanna come… and silence.

…I was doing ALL the giving, ALL the calling, ALL the initiating…and not even getting a thank you or grunt in response. It took me a while to get it.

…he went home to a different state but told me that he is a sort of “out of sight out of mind” type of person, then I didn’t hear from him for 3 days.

…he had excuses about why he could not spend time with me and did not make plans to be with me on Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Years.

…a girl he was secretly seeing tagged pics of herself on his FB wall and he told her he loved her! Smdh

…he got married to someone else while we were still in a relationship.

…everyone came before me!!!

…he never would pick up the phone and call, but would only send text messages.

…we had sex one night… Then the next morning I see him having breakfast with ‘her’ and neither of them would look at me. Ohh… She was a close acquaintance we all hung out with.

…I had been dating for about 2 years and never really thought much about settling down… until I met him. He was perfect! He had everything going for himself and I thought I was the luckiest girl to have found such a great catch. We went out a lot, he called me all the time. Then after a few weeks of bliss, he made plans with me and never came through. He called we talked about it and he apologized. Then he did it again, and again, and again. I made excuses for it for about 6 months, thinking that all he needed was time to see how good of a girl I was. The last time we saw each other I realized that the feelings I had for him turned to insecurity and bitterness due to how he actually treated me. I ended things a week later and haven’t looked back since.

…after 5 years of dating and no ring…my husband only waited 9 months.

What can you add to this list???

10 Things We Think Men Care About But They Really Don’t | Click here to read origina story write up.

1.  A College Degree: In no way am I telling you to trade in your Bachelor’s for some booty shorts, but I am willing to bet that when Drake laid eyes on Maliah, the last thing he was asking himself was if she could recite all the elements on the periodic table from memory.  Most men don’t want a brainless beauty for a wife (and you probably aren’t trying to lock down one who does) but they are visual creatures and what we woman have to understand is that if it’s 1:45 am in the club, that man whose been eye-humping you all night probably isn’t looking for his Mrs. Right as much as he is looking for Mrs. Right Now.  For some reason, many woman like to use their education as a reason why they are more wifey material than the girl dropping it low in so and so’s video.  And hopefully you’re struggling through that Calculus class because you know it will give you a better chance at a successful future and not just the next eligible bachelor.  An education is a valuable asset, but it doesn’t guarantee you a good man over the girl dancing for dollars. (just sayin)

2.  Sexy Undergarments: Heathcliff Huxtable taught us that it’s all about the presentation.  But while men are visual creatures, they’re more interested in seeing what’s under your La Perla.  A guy friend and I was talking about him and his girlfriend and he once told me, “I don’t understand why women spend so much time and money on sexy lingerie only for it to end up in a ball on the floor.”  He also revealed to me that anything black and lacy all looks the same.  If you really want to turn his head, pull out your special “that-time-of the-month” panties and sports bra; it’s the perfect way to make him appreciate all of the sexiness he once took for granted.

3.  Sex Faces and Hair: You’re probably missing out on that desirable Big O because you’re so busy obsessing about whether or not your sex face and hair make you look like that little girl on The Exorcist.  You may be worrying about a rogue false eyelash or a little bit of sweat, but most men agree that there’s something explicitly carnal and erotic about seeing a woman’s hair all wild while she’s biting and clawing at him in the throes of passion.  So let your hair down, or better yet take if off and focus on getting yours, because he will most definitely make sure he gets his.

4.  Chipped Nail Polish: When you know you need a manicure or pedicure, you may feel like the whole world knows too.  No man wants a woman with consistently jacked up hands and feet but he won’t go running for the hills just because you’re overdue for your acrylic overlay.  When it comes to other minor beauty mishaps like going without your false eyelashes for a night, you’re probably making a bigger deal out of it than your man is.

5.  Stretch Marks: Those thicker thighs, rounded hips or even that bundle of joy you wished for all came at a cost called stretch marks.  You could try thinking of it as a biological road map or God entertaining his interest in tattooing, but the truth is very few women are in love with their stretch marks and they probably think their man hates them too.  Stop worrying and slathering your cakes with cocoa butter like you are literally about to bake them.  Honestly ladies, I doubt a man is going to tell you to put your clothes back on and don’t call him ever again if he sees your derriere came with a little extra decoration.

6.  Red Bottoms: With the exception of Maino who speaks of women like they are car accessories, most men can’t tell the difference between Prada and Payless. What they will notice is whether you’re looking uncomfortable all for the sake of fashion or if you’re rocking the oh so sought after “Red Bottoms” but surviving on Ramen noodles and cereal.  As long as you can put together a sexy look you feel confident in, it doesn’t matter much to men how much you spent on it.  As much as I like my men dressed to impress, obsession over fashion labels is something best left to the ladies.

7.   Breast Size: If you watch enough Trey Songz videos you’ll start believing that all men want a Brazilian bombshell who’s been blessed in the chest and always has that “glistening-emerging-from-the pool” look.  Thankfully, in real life, most men are happy to see any breasts at all to be picky about size.   Unless you personally feel the need to push, pad and prop the girls up, don’t fall victim to the pressure to cop some double D’s to get a dude.

8.  How Soon You Give Up the Goods: It still may not be the greatest idea to sleep with man before you learn his last name, but there’s no magical amount of time that makes the difference between marriage material and jump off.  It’s truly about how you carry yourself and what you allow.  If you command respect you’ll get just that and if he’s truly into you he won’t care if you give it up after 7 days or 7 months.  Just because we’re women doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to like sex too.

9.  How Well You Groom Your Secret Garden: Keep in mind that when it comes to the genitals, a male’s primary concern is cleanliness.  It’s your personal preference if you want to go completely bare, Brazilian or want to shave his name in it, what matters most is that old girl is zestfully clean.  This doesn’t mean it has to smell like French vanilla or honey blossom.  Men are completely aware that vagina has a distinct scent, and as long as that scent isn’t Four Day Funk, your guy won’t be complaining.

10.   Long Hair: The truth is, we as women probably care more about long hair than any man ever has.  Look at how many men lusted after Amber Rose whose was affectionately named “The Bald Headed Beast” or Halle Berry, the star of many men’s fantasies who usually rocks a short pixie.  Long hair doesn’t always equal beauty.  The point is to rock a hairstyle that’s flattering and natural looking.  You’d be surprised at how many heads you will turn when you pull back those Rapunzel strands to reveal a pretty face and some sexy confidence.

A man knows within the first week of meeting you what bucket you fall into.

You will either be his    wife/potential girlfriend \_/    Friend  \_/   Jumpoff \_/

Jumpoff also includes those other ambiguous terms such as “friends with benefits”, “she cool and we chilling” and “I don’t want a relationship but we can still have sex until you realize I’m not going to change my mind and leave.”

Be that as it may, women everywhere are still instituting the 90 day rule. Steve Harvey’s 90 day rule, made famous in his book Act like a Lady and Think Like a Man equates a relationship to a job. In his 2009 Essence Music Festival interview he says “You work a job 90 days before you get a benefits package…”  This rule suggests that you should wait 90 days to have sex with a man to show him you respect yourself, discover his intentions and make him value you  more.

I’ll risk being stoned and beg to differ.

How a man treats you after sex was pre-determined by your behavior before the sex. Whether you waited three minutes or three months to sleep with him, he’s already determined your bucket based on your personality and behaviors. Guess what you will still be after the orgasm if he never saw you as anything more than a jumpoff? A ‘waited until day 90’ jumpoff.

by: Dee Rene

A real man likes a challenge mentally & physically and it seems as most (not all) women hear the tic toc of their biological clock and they are looking to latch on to the first man that has a job and can complete a sentence. There’s nothing wrong with showing interest but don’t be so thirsty!

If after a date or two you’re throwing the panties, I miss you texts, and everything else at a man you’re putting yourself in a bad position. The man is supposed to lead, give chase. Being happily single, you have to have patience because men ose interest quickly. So if your looking to define the “relationship” after a few dates or trying to see if you have one after giving up the goods after a cheeseburger plate & a milkshake what do you really expect to happen?

You can’t full court press a man into a relationship. If you slow down and let him pursue you you’ll either find out he wasn’t willing to put the time in aka wasn’t that interested or you move up from Mcdonald’s to Red Lobster and he’s contacting you, pursuing you, interested in getting to know you. If his comments are mainly about your looks and never about your life & interests and you go all in anyway that’s what you deserve but if you give it time to breathe you might find a man that’s willing to put the time in and sees and appreciates the special qualities you possess.

Either way it’s up to you but men know who is easy and who is worth it believe me! Both get treated accordingly…

When you were a child, love was based solely on what you saw in Disney movies and other fairy tales. In high school you learned through crushes that sometimes the feeling wasn’t always mutual. And in your twenties you realized that maybe love isn’t always so sweet. Now, that you’re 30 (or over) what lessons have you learned about love? Has your prospective changed?

Some say that things just “get to us” more than they get to men. That we overanalyze things. That we let things affect our day (or our lives) more than men do. But, don’t be fooled: men have their weak spots too. Their Achilles heel. And, if you say any of these things they’ll be thinking about it for a while. Communication in a relationship is very important as I’m sure you already know, so be careful how you come at him with the following:

Sex doesn’t really do it for me: For some women, this is true. They don’t get off during intercourse. But if you say that to a man, he will be thinking, “Is she waiting for me to be done?” when you are having sex. So much so that it will be hard for him to even enjoy himself. He will also feel that doing other stuff to you is more of a task than a pleasure. If your relations in bed aren’t really spicing you up and you want to do something about it, find a sensitive way of telling him what DOES work for you, without giving him the idea that he’s just the worst lover ever, will probably be accepted a lot better than faking it so obviously.

You’re not meeting your potential: If in any way you insinuate that your boyfriend could have a better job, be a better person, is slacking off, or that you’re less than impressed by his career—that will crush him. It will make him feel like less than a man. It’s one thing to want him to be happy and encourage him to pursue his passions. It’s another to make snide remarks about how he should be doing better, especially if it’s more about making you happy than him.

“He can’t do that because we’re going to…”: If a friend asks your boyfriend to go to a game with him, a bar with him, on a trip with him—anything—and you jump in, maybe put your hand protectively on your boyfriend’s shoulder and say “He can’t, we’re going to my parents’ home that weekend,” or “we’re couch shopping that weekend,” I’m pretty sure you’re going to embarrass him. He isn’t necessarily embarrassed to do those things with you, but he is embarrassed that you answer for him because that makes him look whipped (whippity-whip whipped!). It makes it look like you made him do those things, rather than he chose to, and that you can and do speak for him.

I’m just going to get ____ to help me with this: Car problems, kitchen sink problems, even emotional problems—we usually turn too our men about all that. But if your boyfriend offers to help you and you say you’re just going to get someone else to take care of it, you make him feel like he is incapable of taking care of you. Listen to his advice. Take his help. Even if you know you’ll need further assistance, don’t tell him that from the start. Let him feel like you need him a little from time to time.

So and so is SUCH a good guy: Maybe you really do admire your best friend’s boyfriend. He does super sweet things for her. Maybe he does a lot of volunteer work or takes care of his sick mother. Or maybe he just takes her out a lot and buys her things often. Whatever it may be, don’t go ga-ga about that in front of your boyfriend. Maybe you don’t mean to compare them, but your man will feel like you’re trying to compare him to another man.

Wearing gifts from an ex: This isn’t something you say, rather, you do it of course. But it makes NO sense to a current boyfriend why you would wear or have gifts from an ex. Maybe you keep some gifts from an ex who you’re still on good terms with and were very meaningful to you, but, don’t sport the designer bag or bracelet an ex got you. That says to your boyfriend that you felt the ex was better at taking care of you—and making you feel special—than he is. Same goes for any old sweaters of his that you used to sleep in. Get some real pajamas!

You’ve gained weight: Women think men don’t care about these things. They think men don’t give a sh*t if they’ve put on weight. Nuh-uh. Men want you to find them attractive just like you want them to find you attractive! They don’t think it’s very manly to be openly upset about weight gain, but if you bring it up, they will be inwardly upset or worried about it. How about encouraging him to work out with you? Find fun ways to get fit together, ladies! But don’t poke his belly one day, giggle, mention that “You got big,” and make the joke that, “Somebody’s eating for two!” Don’t be that way.

Seven simple things men can do that all women will love.

Listening to Miguel’s  “Quickie” had me feeling some type of sultry this morning, so I decided to take advantage of one of this morning’s Twitter trending topics. It’s nothing serious like Paula Deen’s diabetes or the threats of the Congress limiting the blessed Internet, no I’m talking about a trending topic from ATL, Georgia called “that’s [swexy] as hell.” Since Miguel was sending me messages, I started to thinking of some very simplistic things men can do to fully capitalize on their sexy. Ladies, check the list and let me know if you feel me.

Being attentive to your children:  There are plenty of fathers who provide for their children but don’t know anything about them or what’s going on in their little lives. One of the most appealing things a man can do is be there for his child, both physically and emotionally. If you’ve ever seen TLC’s “A Baby Story,” you know the mothers consistently gush about how seeing their husbands (baby daddies) with their newborn makes him attractive on an entirely different level. But single men with children, don’t be discouraged. By now, perhaps you’ve noticed that even women who aren’t the biological mother of your child will melt at the sight of you being attentive to your babies. It’s so endearing, so nurturing, that selfishly, we can’t help but think that you might be this way with the women in your life as well. Granted you should already be all up in your child’s life, but this fact of life should serve as an additional incentive.

Doing Chores: Right now, I’m reading Donna Britt’s book, “Brothers (& Me)”, in which she describes her love for black men and her propensity, need and desire to give to them. It’s a blessing and burden many of us carry. So when a man handles one of our many chores, preferably unasked, he’s liable to get some type of reward. She can’t be “too tired” later if you’re relieving her of some of her tedious responsibilities.

A man with a Goatee: Maybe I’m alone on this one, but I will never understand the corporate-dictated trend of a hairless face. There is something so mannish about a jawline that is further accentuated by well groomed hair. The goatee also draws attention to those luscious lips. Sure hair can irritate your face a little bit during those makeout sessions, but once you pull away and see that goatee looking down at you, you won’t have a choice but to dive back in.

Wearing a well tailored suit: Yesterday, I spent a majority of my evening watching back episodes of “Braxton Family Values.” In this particular episode, the sisters were rehearsing for an upcoming performance they had, when out walks Tamar’s husband, Vince in a suit. And in all her extraness, Tamar bout lost her mind, running out of rehearsal to flirt with her husband before he walked out of the door. I had to laugh in familiarity at this cute moment. While Vincent Hubert, might not be the most beautifully built man to don a suit, I must admit it made him look more dashing. The same is true for most men. There’s nothing wrong with your street clothes, but a nice fitting suit every once in a while is a turn on like a mug.

Standing Up for Me: It’s a new day and woman can be more than the damsels in distress. We’re far from helpless but that doesn’t mean we don’t want–not need– you to come to our rescue should the situation arise. And that doesn’t necessarily mean we need you to put your hands on someone. If no one has to get hurt in the process, that’s all the better. A man who can negotiate his way out of an altercation is more valuable than a man who resorts to violence. This is especially relevant when it comes to that smart-mouthed mother of yours too.

Remembering Something I Mentioned in Passing: Have you ever mentioned that you wanted or needed something small and inexpensive as an afterthought, only to have someone surprise you with the very thing you mentioned? I’d argue that those are the best gifts to receive. Why? Because it lets you know that the person was truly listening to you. Most times you could and would purchase these things for yourself, you just haven’t gotten around to it. A lot of women complain about men not listening to them. If you find a way to gift her with something she’s been mentioning for months, you’ll score some serious brownie points.

Slow Dancing in the Middle of the Living Room: I used to think that I was the only woman who fantasized about  this until I talked to my sister. Maybe it was the prevalence of “Love Jones” in our formative years or the fact that we’re natural romantics but this slow dancing thing ranks pretty high on our list of romantic gestures. It’s simple, it’s free, it’s intimate and it allows you to reflect on the man in your arms and what he means to you. Don’t be surprised if the dance transitions from vertical to horizontal and relocates to the bedroom.

What are some simple things that you like as a woman about a man?

The less experience you have, the less you have to compare to. But, after you’ve been out there for a while as a single female, there are just some things that you discover are complete BS. Like these:

It’s Just Sex: Oh yeah? Well then you can just wait. When you’re younger, some guys will try to sleep with you very quickly and say “it’s just sex, it won’t change anything.” And you know what? Sometimes, it’s true! But, after getting around more, you learn that the good guys never push it.

I’m Allergic To Commitment: In your younger years, this sounds like a challenge. You want to convert the guy to the religion of commitment-to-you. You get a rush from the idea that, if this guy can change his ways for you, that means he is super passionate about you. When you get older, the “I’m allergic to commitment” line is a red flag. Actually, it sinks the whole ship. You don’t find it exciting anymore. You find it immature. And you know that good, mature men who are ready to give you what you need are the actual exciting ones.

My phone died, it was too loud to call, I forgot, it went straight to your voicemail: None of these excuses fly when you’ve been out in the dating world for a while. There is a crucial rule that you learn after being out there for a while—if he likes you, he shows it. He isn’t calling or texting as a chore. He is doing it because he wants to get ahold of you. And a dead phone, or a loud bar isn’t going to stop him.

You’re Being Dramatic: About his friend who is always rude to him, or a certain female friend who is blatantly trying to seduce your boyfriend, or the fact that he always changes plans on you at the last minute. When you’re young, you are easily intimidated and you so don’t want to be seen as “the dramatic girl” so, when a guy does something to piss you off and he tells you to “just be cool about it,” you fall silent. When you get older, you say “no, YOU be cool and cut the crap.”  Intimidation tactics don’t work on you anymore.

I’m just a spontaneous guy: You hear this a lot from the guy who only asks you to hang out at midnight, or can never just say yes to a specific day and time. He pretty much comes and goes as he pleases and he tells you it’s just because he is a “spontaneous guy.” Bullsh*t. After you’ve dated a lot of men, you learn quickly that the ones who really like you make time for you. They reserve your time. It is important to them to get to see you, and if an actual plan is what it takes, they make one.

I’m Not Drunk – It’s Fine: A lot of men don’t like to admit when they have had too much to drink. They never want to look out of control of the situation, or appear that they cannot be the “protector” so, they refuse to hail a cab. They want to drive. They’re a man. And you don’t want to be a nag so you don’t push the cab thing. When you get older, you don’t stand for this. It’s either a cab or you’re not going anywhere. Your life is way more important than his pride.

I’m Clean: You accumulate a lot of knowledge about sexual health as you get older. When you were younger, if a guy could show you clean test results from a few weeks back, you say “okay” and skip the condom. As you get older, you learn that there are a lot of STD’s that lie dormant for a long time. And that that little piece of paper he is waving around should not be his ticket to unprotected sex.

by: Jaustin

Actress Gabrielle Union, 39, and Miami Heat player Dwayne Wade, 29, covers the February 2012 issue of Essence magazine and they look adorable together! The couple who began dating 2010 and, are 10 years apart, are obviously still going strong.

At the beginning of their courtship the couple caught flack because Wade had still been legally married to his high school sweetheart. Although their divorce is now finalized Wade and his ex-wife both share custody of two young boys, Zaire, 9, and Zion, 4.

On marriage Wade says, “We’re not rushing it. Both of us have been married before, and we understand that if we choose to marry again, we want it to be right. We both took failing at marriage hard. The next time it’s gotta be forever…” — Dwyane Wade

Wade was married for 8 years and Gabrielle was married to professional football player, Chris Howard, for 5.

Sleeping around versus monogamy?  First, I have to tell you a little game I used to play.  It was exciting, wonderful, drama-free until something clicked in my head.  Ok, let me explain. 

I was in a relationship for 6 crazy months and I mean crazy.  My partner of 6 months wanted me as a thing or trophy instead of a person.  I was treated poorly in the relationship, but I thought it was love.  My friends would tell me to get out of the relationship, but I never listened to them.  Why should I?  I was in love with the person of my dreams, but those dreams turned into nightmares.  The person who I was in love with cheated on me; which hurt me horribly.  For awhile, I was devastated I became sick to the point that I needed to see a doctor. I was crushed and I vowed to never feel that type of pain again.

After I healed enough, I decided to go online and to clubs to find my targets.  If I did my preparation well, my target would be mine for the night.  I had the “I don’t care about you, but I will make you my bitch for the night” attitude. With this attitude and feeling, within a 3-year period, I slept with so many people that a magazine wrote article about me causing my blog to become very popular. I was the star of most of my own movies and I loved every minute of it.

I didn’t care about the people that I slept with, they just filled a temporary need. The grand prize for every person was that they had me for the night and I got bragging rights (or so I thought).  Yet, in the end, I was still alone.  I was still hurting.  I was still broken-hearted.

What clicked?  Being bored and being used.  A few of my targets were using me as the target to improve their social status in the community.  I was becoming a joke and it was not fun anymore.

Once, while I was at a sex house, looking at the orgies taking place in front of me, it then began to dawn on me.  This life that I was leading was no longer fun anymore. It became disgusting and plain sick.  I was tired of the game and the routine.  Overall, I was just tired and I couldn’t keep going on. It was time for me to grow up.  So just like that, I stopped.

Monogamy means security. You are with the same person day in and day out.  You know, you can count on your partner with anything and everything.  There is no question.  You know them and they know you.  They know what you are going to say or do.  There is nothing wrong with that, so why did I hide from it for so long?

At first, I thought monogamy would be boring but when your partner is your best friend, everyday is exciting. You know where you stand, you know what the future will be like (hopefully) and you feel safe.

Monogamy is honest, respect, commitment and being in love with the person you share your bed with. Yes, there are days that you can’t stand your partner, but in the long run you can’t see your life without them.

Sleeping around is like have a temporary job.

• There is no commitment.
• You don’t know when the assignment will end.
• You can’t invest in the company and the company won’t invest in you.
• No security.
• No long-term plans.

Monogamy is like having a contract high paying job.

• There is a commitment.
• You know, you will have this job for years to come.
• You can invest in the company and the company can invest in you.
• Security.
• You can make long-term plans.

At the same time, monogamy doesn’t suit everyone. When it comes down to it, it is a personal choice. Just make sure that the choice you make is something that you truly feel and not your choice because you’re hiding from something.

by Aliya Leigh