Food & Drinks

‘Guacamole Cheese’ Is a Thing Now, but It Shouldn’t Be

“You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could, and before you knew what you had, you patented it, packaged it, slapped in on a plastic lunch box, and now you want to sell it,” he said. “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should.”

According to Travel + Leisure, Daily Dairy is the company responsible for Guacamole Cheese, which is a combination of cow’s milk Gouda, avocado, lime juice, chile, tomato, onion, and garlic. It is also undoubtedly capable of causing a great disturbance to the natural order, even before it appears on the shelves at every Fresh Market location on Wednesday.

(That part is true: it’s arriving just in time to up the caucacity of your sorority’s Cinco De Mayo party.) The Amanti Guacamole Cheese will retail for $24.99 per pound, and it can be purchased in slightly smaller wedges. It can also be left in the store, or thrown in the trash.

If Twitter is any indication, the response to the cheese has been an almost universal hard pass. “THIS DOES A DISSERVICE TO BOTH GUACAMOLE AND CHEESE we do not have to tolerate this,” one woman replied. “Goat shit is ALSO a thing but it doesn’t mean you should eat it,” another added. And a third person just went with “Fuck off!”

“You don’t see the consequences,” Dr. Malcolm said, shortly after the T. Rex started biting into Port-a-Johns and eating attorneys whole. “ You’re very good at solving problems, at getting answers—but you just don’t know the right questions.”

“Who wants guacamole cheese?” isn’t the right question. It will never be the right question.

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