Don’t Be an Option: When You Are Not a Priority in His Life, Do This
Let’s talk about when a man treats you like an option instead of a priority.
I get so many variations of this question. They usually sound as follows: my boyfriend doesn’t make me a priority, what do I do? … I want to spend more time with him, but he doesn’t seem to want the same … I don’t feel like a priority in my relationship … My husband puts everything before me … How do I make him appreciate me?
When you are not a priority, it’s a horrible feeling. You end up in the toxic cycle of trying to prove your worth to him and carve out space for yourself in his life. You just have this feeling of not being enough and it eats away at you. And how could it not? You’re seemingly not at all important to the person who is the most important to you. It hurts.
You don’t get a man to treat you like a priority by demanding it or even asking for it. You need to inspire it.
What does it mean to be a man’s priority?
Being a priority is one thing, being the sole center of a man’s universe is another and that just isn’t realistic. That only exists in movies and romance novels and it just isn’t real.
You can’t expect him to drop everything in his life to focus on you and only you. And let’s just pretend a man did do that … you would probably lose interest in him in 5 minutes. What attracts you to him is that he has a full, balanced life. A man who is there only to worship you just isn’t all that interesting!
You also need to consider this: what is it you really want? Do you feel like he doesn’t prioritize you and just puts everything else first? What I often hear from women is that their man prioritizes his job. But he could also be prioritizing his friends or the gym or even his dog! When you fall lower and lower down the list, that’s when it becomes a problem.
So be real – are you really not a priority or is your life just lacking in certain areas and you’re looking to him to fill you up?
Men can easily pick up on your vibe, if you’re coming from a desperate needy place, he’ll feel it and he just doesn’t want to feed into that mindset by paying attention to it.
1. Understand how men operate
Men don’t operate like women. Most men are single focused and goal-oriented and can’t multitask the same way women can.
If a guy is at work, his focus is at work and nothing exists outside of that. Meanwhile, I remember times in my life where I would be at work and texting with a guy I was seeing the entire day and able to switch back and forth seamlessly. Most men can’t do this!
Why then, you might ask, was he a texting machine in the beginning when you first started seeing each other? Well, most likely because he was trying to win you over. Winning you over was the goal so maybe work was less of a priority during the day, but once he’s “won you” and you’re more established it’s not sustainable to be texting all day long.
You may see the lack of texts as a sign he’s losing interest … or a sign you’re not a priority anymore, but really he’s just settling back into a normal routine because he’s getting comfortable with you, and that’s a good thing!
It’s really important in a relationship to give people what they need and respect what it is they need even if it’s counter to what you want. You want him to text you all day, he needs to focus at work, and you respect that and give him that space without guilting him or turning it into a big fight.
A woman who can show this kind of emotional maturity is a woman who will stand out amongst the rest and this is the woman a man willingly and happily commits himself to.
2. Keep your options open
This applies to those of you in “undefined relationships.”
Don’t commit to him before he commits to you. Don’t treat him like your boyfriend when you aren’t his girlfriend.
Putting him up on a pedestal is not what’s going to win him over and get him to prioritize you. What makes a man prioritize you and commit is when you can reach him at a deeper level than anyone else, when you can really tap into who he is and form a genuine connection, not a surface-level connection which is what most people have in the early stages of a relationship.
You can reach him at that level by discovering his mission in life (every man has one), tapping into his fears, his desires, and who he wants to be. (These questions are great for helping you go deep with your guy.)
You can’t get there by worrying and obsessing over how he feels and whether or not he’ll commit and how you can win him over. You get there by just relaxing, enjoying him for who he is, and discovering one another.
That’s all dating is – it’s just discovering if this is a person you can form a meaningful partnership with. It is not a measure of your worth or worthiness as a person.
Another important point I want to make is this: don’t be afraid to use your “walking power.” If you try to connect and it just doesn’t work and he just treats you like an afterthought, then be OK walking away! Not only that, be happy to walk away from this and into something better for you!
3. Get back to who you were before
This one is for the women in relationships who just don’t feel like a priority.
If you’re waiting around for him to put you first, it won’t happen. If you make your life fun, fulfilling place on your own, then you’ll notice he starts vying for your attention.
It’s about getting back to who you were at the beginning of the relationship. Think about what you used to do and consider how many of these things have fallen by the wayside since you got into a relationship.
Part of what attracted him to you is that you had a rich, full life. When you no longer have anything going on in your life except your relationship with him, it’s not surprising his attraction will drop a little.
There is nothing more attractive than a happy, confident, fulfilled woman. So make that your priority … and when you do, you’ll notice that you all of a sudden become his priority again!
Remember- obsessing gets you nowhere. If you obsess over why he doesn’t prioritize you, you’ll be transmitting and unattractive energy and it will make things worse.
Focus on just living your best life and everything else will fall into place, trust me! If you’ve been doing everything right and he still seems to be pulling away then something deeper might be going on. If you want to know why men sometimes lose interest and pull away, and what you can do to bring him back, read this next: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…